Moving on after divorce

Be open to new experiences and new ways of looking at things with interest. Take an active role in creating a new life. Sitting around waiting will not help. Action speaks louder than words.

There are a few things you can do. Here are some suggestions on how to get started.

Have a positive attitude.
The wrong attitude keeps you closed off and does not promote new ways of approaching life

Emotional triggers. You'll find that some places, people or things trigger negative memories and emotions of your marriage and divorce. Try and avoid these things as much as possible.

New interests/ hobbies. Get out and try new things. The more new activities you participate in the more your identity as a single person will form, You may find that you want to develop a pass interest or hobby. Get a friend involved whom you can bounce ideas off or be inspired

Reach out. There's always someone who is worst off than you and it doesn't have to be divorced connected. Perhaps you may want tooffer some of your time to charity, start a group. You'll be surprised at how far you have come!

Let me know your thoughts! What do you think?

Andrew Ellis (dpcoaching) http://www.divorcedparents.co.uk

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Dealing with anger after your divorce..

Anyone who goes through a divorce feels the pain and emotion of the whole experience. You know what i mean. The challenge though is with all this pain and emotion it can sometimes turn to anger which is an even stronger emotion. This anger is usually directed to your former partner!

Here's 3 reasons why anger is not a good choice for you or your children.

Can't move on
Times have changed and you are now having to focus on the children and not on your ex. Co parenting is the main priority. The anger is just bringing you back to the past! It also keeps you focused on only the bad things that happened in the relationship. Focusing on things that fuel the anger won't help you in the process of acceptance!
Moving on is hard
Holding onto the pain from that broken relationship doesn't allow you to look ahead. Wherever you go you carry around that extra baggage of pain. Imagine dating someone who spends all their time bad mouthing their ex-spouse!!

Holding onto anger hurts your children
Your children love both of you very much. Children know when their parents are fighting whether it's done right in front of them or not.Children get confused when they see parents at loggerheads. They can't make sense of how this is possible. This confusion typically creates a lot of anxiety for children. In response they take on the responsibility of maintaining the peace rather than just being children.

Anger is an emotion and emotions just happen without our control. What we do have control over is how we react to the emotion! You have a choice to make.

Would you like to comment??

Andrew Ellis (dpcoaching) http://www.divorcedparents.co.uk/

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After Divorce. Stay Grounded

The emotional pain you felt after being told that your partner wants to divorce you is hard to swallow, however it's important that when you start to come to terms with it, you can find happiness. Be real about this Rome wasn't built in a day it takes time! When children are involved it can be a painful experience but it doesn't have to be.

Think about these tips!

Don't Start Another Relationship
Be careful not to be on the rebound into a new relationship! Let the dust settle on the moments after divorce. You'll be able to make clear decisions. Unnecessary issues can spring up with your ex if you are not sensitive with your actions. Take this time to care for yourself and your child.

Don't speak negatively about your ex.
It's easy to start to speak badly of your ex which will have a negative impact on your children. Children are like sponges and will pick up on this very quickly! Focus on developing the relationship with your child.

Steer clear of the mind games.
The more you control what you can control the better you'll feel. Avoid mind games and do the things when you are in a position to do and not because the ex wants you to.

Create a new home.
A really good thing to do is to create a stable environment for you children to come into. One which is clean, safe, warm and inviting. The change of your circumstances is difficult enough for your child so I would encourage you to make that extra effort to make your children feel comfortable and at ease!

A new set of rules.
Let your child know that there are going to be new rules now. Allow your child to help create the new rules, even if they overlap with what they are used to already! In the event that your child hates the rules then remind them that they helped create them!

Encourage open communication with your child.
Always encourage your children to talk. Be open with them and have a laugh with them. Once they are more relaxed then you can be sure they will feel free to express themselves!

Let me know your thoughts! What do you think?

Andrew Ellis (dpcoaching) http://www.divorcedparents.co.uk/

Join me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com

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Andrew Ellis | Divorced Parents - home

Andrew Ellis | Divorced Parents - home

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Every little bit helps!

I was speaking to my next door neighour who told me about the humanitrian situation in Sri Lanka. There is something you can do though, which doesn't require you to put your hand in your pocket!

All we need to do is sign a petition which will go to the UN secretary and pray that he will hear the call and act.

Take a look at the website yourself!

http://bit.ly/oo3Nh

Thanks for reading

Back to school

...Well the children are now all back to school and have settled in really well. I'm so glad considering the difficult start my eldest had starting her new school last year, I was pretty confident that she would thrive on returning to school. And you know what she has. It's amazing for me as I see my children having to go through certain barriers/ challenges ( most of which are emotional by the way ) and all the emotions that they have to deal with that once they do break through it's something else.

Confidence, personality and character sudden all change and they beome difference individuals. I guess coming out of a divorce has a weird parallel to this. In some respects you don't thrive your confidence is low, self belief is shattered. However isn't it funny when with time whether it be with the help of family, friends, a coach or self belief, you find that you turn that corner and something happens. Things click! You just feel different and with that feeling an ability to want to do great things.

Isn't it funny how you,ve entered a new school of life!!!

Why not visit my website! www.divorcedparents.co.uk or follow me on twitter simply type in dpcoaching!
Thankyou for reading.